I’ve been kicked one too many times these past years. I’ve been in and out of jobs. I’ve passed on amazing opportunities. I’ve had chances to take a particular fortunate side only to take the other. I’ve had doors shut on my face. I’ve missed something awesome for something worthless.
These things made me feel bad, sad, and, well, shit. I’ve had countless days of crying myself to sleep. I’ve had nightmares and lost daydreams.
I am so sick and tired of this. I am exhausted of this moping and asking the what-if’s and should-be’s. I’m just… done!
I just don’t want to feel this way anymore.
I thereby decree that Ken Filomeno no longer cares. Ken Filomeno doesn’t give a shit. Ken does not give a fuck.
Fuck it all.
Starting today, I’m going to choose a path. Right at this hour, I’m going to do what is best for my present, my past, and my future. I’m going to choose to be happy because that’s what my heart is for.
All the experiences led me to this moment. For me to realize that I, too, can be happy in all ways. That I shan’t fear the feeling of “happy” in whatever form. All that’s happened –all the hardships, the pain, the sadness– occurred to make me better. It made me realize that these happened because they’re supposed to make me stronger.
I know people say that a lot. It’s a cliche. But now I get it. I understand they’re supposed to make us stronger. Stronger to a point wherein, when another shitful event occurs, it’s no longer the “shitful event” we’d known. That it’s not a major event; that it’s not a full event. That it’s really just shit we need to step on, so we know what shit not to step on the next time.
To those who’ve backed me up and helped me no matter what, thank you. To those who’ve wished me less, go try being happy too.
And to life, you are such a bitch. The thing is, you are my bitch.
Signed on May 28,2015 (00:01AM)